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Trying hard. Overcompensating. Kulang.
There are a lot of labels put on single moms. The saddest one that hurts the most is that they will never be enough for their child. They fear that there will always be something missing in their child’s life, one that they will never be able to fill.
When single moms accept the fact that they can never be both the mother and the father, they will feel a sense of relief and comfort. They start to realize that “missing a member does not make you less of a family.”
Bettinna Carlos on being a single mom
On her latest vlog, titled “The Single Mom Life FAQs,” Bettinna Carlos Eduardo brought out a lot of her single mom wisdom and answered questions on how she got through the challenges of being a solo parent. Prior to marrying Mikki Eduardo in December 2020, the celebrity mom had been raising her daughter, Gummy, on her own for 10 years.
ADVERTISEMENT – CONTINUE READING BELOWWhile her entire vlog is a must-see for single moms seeking comfort and validation, here are some of the best quotes from Bettinna:
“Hindi tayo ang pupuno sa lahat ng kailangan ng anak natin.”
This is a hard pill to swallow if you’re a single parent. No matter how much you love your child, no matter how much you give your all, it will never be enough. That’s okay, though, because you’re not meant to do that.
Bettina says that she was such a workaholic before, thinking that she let pride get in the way. She worked hard because she wanted to give Gummy a life that her biological father couldn’t give, “Which was wrong,” Bettina recalls.
“How do I know when I’m doing too much? When my conscience tells me that I should rest… when I’m compromising something because I have work.”
Speaking of work, single moms are thought to be crazy busy all the time, especially when it comes to providing for their kids. Having one income instead of two to rely on can make any parent anxious, and not being able to give your child what they need is a single parent’s constant fear.
But when is it all too much? Bettina recalls working so hard “as if magugutom kami kung hindi ako magtrabaho.” She had to learn through time and prayers that she shouldn’t compromise her need to rest, her commitments to her child and to their family, just so she could earn more.
CONTINUE READING BELOWRecommended VideosBettina says, “I know I’m giving my best, and I trust that God will provide. I can trust that I can rest, and I can honor my family and honor my child.”
“Ikaw ay nanay, you let Me be the Father… I am Father to the fatherless.”
Single moms are sure to have said this at least once: I am both the mother and the father in our family. But if you think about it, this is an attempt to make your child, yourself, and perhaps others think that there’s nothing missing or “broken” about your family.
It may be painful for some solo parents to accept, but for Bettinna, a father’s love is different than a mother’s love. “Yes you can give your everything, but don’t think that your overflow can compensate for the love of a father. Iba ang pagmamahal ng Tatay, at kailangan mong tanggapin sa sarili mo na hindi mo mabibigay yon…”
ADVERTISEMENT – CONTINUE READING BELOWShe adds, “I had to admit that I’m not the one who will make her complete. Gummy grew up hearing the words, ‘Having one less than a member does not make us less of a family.’ It’s Jesus who makes our family complete.”
Bettina firmly believes that God is the Father to the Fatherless, and it actually puts you and your children in a favorable position. She says, “I believe, you single moms, you’re in a real favorable position, kahit sa tingin mo dehado ka. Because God is the Father of your fatherless child.
“Ang Diyos, na may ari ng lahat, Tatay ng anak mo! He says He will provide for you… I really claim that promise, really held on to that world, the whole ten years of being a single parent.”
“The first step that we must all take if we want to be successful in solo parenting is to accept… our situation.”
Many single moms might feel that what happened to them is unfair, but Bettinna reminds that God always has a purpose for everything. For her, accepting that she had become a solo parent made raising her child easier.
She adds that solo parents should try and not live in denial, with hate, or anger, or regret. “Because ‘pag tanggap mo, people cannot use it against you,” she says.
Bettinna adds, “I will be very upfront and say this is a consequence of my poor choices in the past. And I think it’s that humility that is needed for you to slowly experience freedom in going through life as a solo parent. and that acceptance will help you rise above your situation.”
ADVERTISEMENT – CONTINUE READING BELOWWatch the full video of Bettinna’s vlog here.
Read how Bettinna Carlos was able to forgive Gummy’s father here.
Bettinna Answers Solo Parents: How To Raise A Kid Without Her ‘Feeling Na May Kulang’
Source: Progress Pinas
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