7 Things Moms Go Through That Are Seen As ‘Normal But They Are Not

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  Moms deal with a lot of things every day, sometimes all at the same time. Taking care of a child is not for the weak, and moms are made of super-strong stuff to get through each day!

  That doesn’t mean that motherhood is all happy and cheery — it’s hard work. Along with it comes all sorts of negativity. Like mom guilt and mom shamers, there are some experiences that you realize shouldn’t be normal.

  Things that moms go through that are seen as ‘normal’

  We saw this list collected by Buzzfeed from the discussion website Reddit and we realized many have accepted these experiences as part of motherhood here in the Philippines, too. Some even have it worse!

  1. You’re expected to give up everything for your child.

  The selfless “martyr” mom is what society wants from all mothers. What’s sad is that some think that being tired is a competition, where the most exhausted one gets the “best mom ever” award. If you’re not complaining about the lack of sleep, not being able to shower for days, or the lack of self-care, then congratulations, you’re a selfless, loving mother!

  But think about it: Not taking care of yourself hurts both you and your child. You cannot care for others if you’re physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually drained. A good mom also knows how to care for herself.

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  2. You should only have time for your family.

  Working moms are expected to miss their kids while they’re at work. If you go out with your friends or have a date night with your partner, people will judge you for not spending quality time with your kids.

  Moms who have a life outside of their family are no less of a mom. As long as your child is safe, healthy, and under the care of trusted adults, having time to live your life isn’t wrong. It will show your children that you’re out there living a full life. It gives them a healthy, independent role model.

  3. You’re expected to do all the housework, while looking after the kids and your husband.

  A recent U.S. survey found that women still handle a larger chunk of household tasks than men, because it is what society expects of them. Another poll done in the Philippines showed that the bulk of parenting load still falls upon women.

  The invisible work that moms do to make sure the household is running smoothly often goes unnoticed, and they suffer because they have to carry the mental and emotional labor of household management. 

  While millennial dads are stepping up their game when it comes to caring for the kids, it’s also time for them to help around the house. Remember, mom, obligating your husband to do his share of chores is valid.

  4. Being shamed for your libido or openly talking about sex.

  While it’s normal for moms to find sex uninteresting especially for new moms who have just given birth, some women are judged when they openly talk about their desire for intimacy. But married sex isn’t just for baby making — women have the right to sexual pleasure, too, and our partners are more than willing to give it!

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  5. You should change the way you dress because you’re a mom.

  Notice the difference between how moms dress versus how single, younger women dress in videos? Moms are portrayed wearing modest, conservative clothing, while younger women show more skin and are bolder with their fashion choices.

  If you freely chose to dress more conservatively or more comfortably ever since you became a mom, that’s fine. Having a “mom uniform” is super helpful during busy days or when you don’t want to think about what to wear anymore.

  But if others point out that wearing sleeveless tops or short skirts are “pang-dalaga lang,” then that’s the problem. You should be free to dress up any which way you want!

  6. Others being surprised that you’re a mom because you don’t look it. 

  You might think this is a compliment since they seem to be saying that you look young, fresh, and have a slim body that doesn’t look like you’ve given birth to a child. But moms come in all shapes and sizes, and moms should not be stereotyped to look a certain way. It pushes the thinking that all moms look tired and fat — why does it need to be so negative?

  7. You should have age-appropriate hobbies and interests. 

  If it’s not hurting anyone or bankrupting you and your family, who’s to say what you can or cannot like? Hobbies and interests know no age, and who’s to say what is “age-appropriate,” anyway?

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  Remember when coloring books for adults were trending, or moms have become bigger K-pop fangirls than their kids? Exactly. You shouldn’t be mommy-shamed for what gives you joy.

  Before becoming a mom, you were a woman, first and foremost, and you always will be a woman. You have many sides to you, and you must not let others tell you what you can or can’t be just because you’re a mom.

  Being a mother has changed your life, but it’s not your entire life. When you love and care for yourself enough and give yourself what you need, it will also benefit your family. You can only love others when you love yourself first. 

  Additional text by Kitty Elicay

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